Get to Know People

Here's a quick story from my days at the Federal Reserve.

I used to work for a guy (we'll call him J) who led a lot of international financial diplomacy projects. He would frequently attend meetings with central bankers from other countries where international standards were debated and developed.

One time, J was working on a project with that had huge consequences for the US financial system. Every 2-3 months, the members of his working group would meet in a different city and sit around a table debating new rules to make the global financial system safer.

J had a particular proposal he was trying to push. I only heard about this many years later, from J himself, and the details of the proposal aren't really important.

Every time J made his intervention — at multiple meetings, over many months — his counterpart at the Bundesbank (we'll call him Wolfgang) would stand up and propose the exact opposite. J was getting nowhere.

Eventually, the project was coming to completion and J knew he needed to change up his approach. He decided to call Wolfgang when he was traveling through Frankfurt and ask him to dinner. Maybe over schnitzel and some beers J could find some common ground. Wolfgang accepted J's offer and invited him to come to his house for dinner.

When J arrived, Wolfgang was busy in the kitchen, so his wife entertained J in an adjoining room. At one point, J called into the kitchen toward Wolfgang with a question. No response. He tried again. No response.

Finally, Wolfgang's wife told J that Wolfgang was deaf in his left ear, and unless you were clearly sitting to his right there was a good chance he didn't hear you. A lightbulb turned on in J's head.

He replayed every past meeting where Wolfgang quickly neutralized his proposal. He realized that each time he was sitting on Wolfgang's left. Wolfgang didn't disagree with J, he just couldn't hear him.

The next time the big group got together, J showed up early and moved around the table tents so he was on Wolfgang's right. Sure enough, when he made his intervention Wolfgang looked puzzled, then nodded, then followed by noting J made a good point and he was in agreement.

J told this story when he was about to retire. I may have some of the details wrong, but the contours are all there. I retell it often, because it's always stuck with me.

The point is that it's necessary — but not sufficient — to make a good point in a debate. You also have to get to know people at a deeply personal level sometimes in order to understand why they believe what they do. Often, their reasons for taking a specific position aren't what you think.